Dear Buster
April 25th
Confused in Conifer
Dear Buster,
Recently my human parents decided to put me in a ‘training’ class. They bought me a special collar and leash and I keep hearing them talk about obedience? I’m not sure I know what that word means? We have been together now for around 3 years and suddenly out of know where they started bossing me around. I thought we were perfectly happy living all together in our cozy little home. We all slept in the same bed and we all ate together every night. Our eating arrangements were perfect. I of course had my own bowl, any scraps, whatever treasures I found on the floor, and most nights whatever was on their plates that they didn’t want. I admit, once in a while I would get a little…well.., curious about all the smells that would be coming from the countertops in the kitchen. Originally, I just wanted to see what all of those smells looked like, it was pretty innocent. But then the smells seem to get better and better, it was almost like the food on the counter was just calling my name. One night, I thought maybe I’ll just get a little better peak at what exactly was up on the counter. Well, instead of looking and admiring everything, I suddenly opened my mouth and the steak just seemed to jump right in. It happened fast Dawg, before I knew it everyone was chasing me. Buster, you would be proud of me, I chewed as I ran Dude, and I ran fast. I thought it was kind of fun for all of us, like a little game we could play before dinner, maybe not every night but perhaps every other night. A kind of game that would keep them guessing and the excitement going! I thought it was good quality time together. Our routine was great! They would get home from work and tell me how much they loved and missed me and then they would start to make dinner. Sometimes we would all have a little fun time with the ball in the driveway, you know Dude, just good times with me and the folks.
Here is my problem Bust, it is all changing because of this guy who has them putting on this special collar and this short leash. They only put this collar on when they are in a serious mood but it is ruining our dinner time fun. Not to mention how stingy they have become about giving me their plates when they are done….What is going on with the world Dawg? Is it the 2012 thing? The economy? Did the wrong person get voted off American Idol? Or Dancing with the Stars? What is going on, have they all gone crazy? Buster, can you heeeelp me PLEASE!
Your Friend,
Confused in Conifer
Dear Confused,
Oh Dude, you have quite the problem on your paws, tail, something like that…. First of all, the word Obedience has two meanings, one is the human meaning and the other is the correct meaning, which is our meaning… of course, right? Obedience to us means; loss of Freedom, very un-American but true. Obedience to our Human Buddies means; living in Harmony, blah blah blah… they do it because they love us….blah blah blah…..they are learning our language, blah blah blah… Anyway, here are a couple of ideas for you…
First of all, act like your ok with all of the training. In fact act like you are so happy to be going to training. Be all about the training. You should find yourself getting rewarded with both sweet talk and of course the ultimate, SNACKS.. Snacks are what we are after here, so the more you act happy the more snacks you get. Dude, believe me I have been there before and this has worked for me like a charm. Eventually, you will find your parents leaving the ‘special’ collar on the counter where it belongs. However, the counter surfing has to end my friend, it sets off way to many alarms. Just be cool and you will find that steak on your plate. Humans don’t like when you take food but most of them love to give it to you. Turn up the volume on that look you know they can’t resist and you are back in the driver seat…confusion solved…!
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May 28th
What The Heck…
Dear Buster,
I have a question for you that has been bothering me for some time. Why do people say they own us?
Signed, What the Heck
Dear What the Heck,
Humans are funny creatures. They just don’t know it. They have a need to say they own or possess all kinds of things like animals and nature and even air. I think some are learning that they share and co-exist with all living creatures whether it’s people, animals or nature. But some humans still insist on saying that they own us.
I say look at their actions, they speak louder then their words. For instance, who makes food for whom? Who opens and closes doors for whom and in some cases puts a “special” door in? Who makes time in their schedule to go on walks?
Then there is the voice that your human pal uses only for you. Sometimes they will look side to side to check that no other human is around before they launch into there “special” voice. I could go on and on but you get the drift. I say, let our human friends say what they want with their titles that mean so much to them. Actions are where it’s at.
Hopefully that helps you out. For me, all this writing has spurred on my appetite. I’m off to send my human Mom her telepathic message…TREAT TIME.
Signed, Buster
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May 28th
Starved in the High Desert….
Dear Buster, I have a problem that I am hoping you can help me with. Lately I am not getting enough treats given to me. It is as though they don’t even know I am here giving them the same look I have always given them when I feel depleted and in need of a little pick me up. I don’t know what to do or who to turn to? Dude, help me..
Signed, Starved in the High Desert
Dear High Desert Friend,
You definitely have a problem on your hands. You have to learn to stare. First you stare at either the treat itself, and if they don’t notice, start staring at them. Follow them around from room to room and just keep thinking, “Its snack time, hellooooo, snack time!” Usually this will get their attention. If all else fails bring out the big guns and stand by your treat jar or bowl and whine. Good Luck Brother.
Signed, Buster
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